Let’s be honest: breakups are pretty difficult to endure. They are especially hard when your go-to coping mechanisms are hindering your progression to a happier and healthier you. It is time that we shake up how we deal with breakups to better ourselves in the long run.
Allow Yourself to Hurt
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is ok to cry! It’s important to truly acknowledge your emotions. We’ve been conditioned by social media, peers, and even family to act unbothered as if nothing phases us. Cry for as long as you need to, label those intense feelings, and realize it is only temporary. Closure only comes when you unpack the baggage you’ve been dragging.
Put The Phone Down
By now, you’ve downed 5 Hennessy bottles and stalked them on social media, as if you didn’t check a few minutes ago, and right now, that call button is looking really tempting. Whether you want to curse them out, or sing Mary J. Blige on their voicemail (do people still do that?), you need to put the phone down. Relax. Invite trustworthy friends over that’ll ensure you won’t make a decision you would regret.
Make a Playlist
Make a playlist of all the songs that ‘speak to’ your feelings, and keep adding every time you transition into a new feeling. I don’t know about y’all, but Bust Your Windows by Jazmine Sullivan is only so satisfying until you remember that ol’ boy didn’t even have a car. There will come a day when you’ll feel silly for listening to Best I Never Had on repeat for days, but don’t delete it. Reflect on that playlist and look at how much you’ve emotionally grown since your breakup.
Gain Back Your Autonomy
You remember that thing you gave up once you were in a relationship? Well, now is your chance to do it again. You officially have nobody holding you back nor anyone else’s feelings to consider. Go get that haircut you wanted, go after that internship overseas, go out with that one friend you became distant with, go shopping and get that outfit they didn’t find appealing. This is all about gaining your identity back with things you felt like you had to compromise.
Some people find it awkward to see a movie or go out to dinner by themselves. When we are in a relationship, we often become dependent on our partner for company, and we never really spend time with ourselves. Now is the time to learn yourself again. I understand you may not want to revisit painful places that bring up memories of the “better times”, and that is 100% understandable, but that’s not an excuse to stay in the house. Find new places in your city! Try new restaurants and create new memories with yourself.
Many times, we don’t miss the person, only the feeling of being cared for and loved. Put yourself and your health first. What did you love about that person, and how can you manifest it into your own life? Start eating right, start going to the gym, start praying/meditating, start journaling. Just start! Exert your energy into something that will help you be a stronger version of yourself.
I know I spoke about being alone a lot on this post, but now you have entered a new stage. It is time to get out again with your clique. The first few times may feel awkward. People have often times felt guilty if they flirt here and there, but it is important to remember that you are now single! Casual flirting is nothing new and nothing to feel ashamed of. And if you go out and realize that you are not ready, that’s perfectly fine!
Recovering from a heartbreak takes time; it is not an overnight process. It’s important to remember that a failed relationship IS a loss, so you’re allowed a grieving process, to some extent. Grief is heavy, but learning to appreciate the pain even when it sucks is just the beginning. Allow this to be the time for taking care of you!