Love is…selflessness.

Love – this intangible thing that we all strive to feel, desire to experience & pray to God it’s real when we find it.

I felt an overwhelming wave of fear when I thought about this; love is something I’d rather romanticize than actually talk about. I always say I wear my heart on my sleeve, but talking about feelings?! *eye roll* PLEASE.

I’m not sure why I have a mini panic attack when someone asks me “what love is”; I never think about it until I’ve caught the love bug from my latest beau, and even then, I struggle to find a definitive answer.

I always think about the ‘The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill’ interlude, when the kids are asked to “define” love – to which one of the girls responds, “you could love anybody, but when you in love with somebody — you taking that person for what he or she is, no matter what he or she looks like or no matter what he or she do.” #Preach. For a long time, I used that as my staple for what love is. I mean, it makes sense — we tend to overlook those things for the people we end up falling for, so that must be what love is, right?

With time and experience, I’ve learned it’s so much more complex than that. Love is when their happiness is just as important to you as yours. Love is support and encouragement. Love is patience. Love is adapting to make sure your partner is fulfilled.

Let me run that last part back. . . ‘adapting [how you love] to make sure your partner is fulfilled’. It’s one thing to know your own love language, but expressing your love in a way that the other person is receptive to it is a completely different ballgame. I learned that everyone has different ways they need to be loved, and it takes selflessness to find out those ways, and do your best to satisfy that need.

Another thing love means to me: vulnerability. Remember when I said I hate talking about my feelings? If I end up talking about my deep dark secrets and insecurities, we might as well set a wedding date. Totally kidding (kinda), but being able to reveal yourself in a way that could completely change someone’s perception of you, AND be comfortable with it? That’s big.

Now that I’ve gotten in my feelings bag, I really could go on and on. But I won’t. The last thing I’ll say is this: we can put it into poems or songs (my favorite way), but the best way to know love, is to feel it. To experience what it’s like to see yourself through another’s eyes. To give the best parts of yourself to someone, and not fear the outcome. To love, is to be your best self for someone else.

Written by: Kaden J