I have to ask: How “real” have you kept it with yourself, lately?
tbQh, there are some things that we just…don’t wanna hear. Some of us may even take it a step further and ignore the ‘things’ all together. Intentional ignorance may seem to work for a little while, but tell me, IS THAT GROWTH? Is the ignorance we cling to actually bliss?
Pretending sh*t doesn’t exist surely won’t make it go away.
Our 20s are often the intro to a grueling period of learning and being brutally honest with ourselves. We may not want to hear it, but we NEED to. So, I’m going to share 5 hard truths with you that we ALL need to accept to live a more peaceful and fulfilling life.
The feeling isn’t always mutual, and that’s ok.
How many times have you punished someone just for feeling differently than you? If your answer is anything resembling “alot”, then I have a rude awakening for you: NO ONE HAS TO SHARE, OR CARE ABOUT, YOUR EMOTIONS. It’s best to distance ourselves from this, and go where the love is requited.
Can that be hurtful? YES. Like a mf. But, it’s necessary. No one is a horrible person for feeling differently, and we owe it to ourselves to be in places where our effort is matched. When we step back from unrequited feelings, it can be a blessing in disguise—we are creating opportunity for much better things, people, and versions of ourselves to show up.
Everyone else’s priorities are not the same as our own.
This is (sort of) an extension of the first one. It’s like when you work in a team, and you’re waiting on someone to do their part so you can complete a task (but they’re taking forever)—are we upset that it’s not on our time and we have no control? Absolutely. F*cking LIVID, actually.
But, instead of taking it personally, let’s consider something: the other person may have a whole other set of tasks that require more urgency than yours. Not to say that your matters aren’t important, but they may rank differently from another perspective.
Don’t get worked up, just circle back; if your priorities need immediate attention, then say that (respectfully). Be assertive, but practice mindfulness. The only way everyone gets their priorities and needs acknowledged, and hopefully met, is through effective communication.
We wouldn’t be worried about our past, if we are truly happy in the present.
Chileeeee, this one might sting a little. I wish I had a dollar for every “flex on my ex” “you’ll regret walking away from me” or “stunt on whoever doubted me” type of post I’ve ever seen because I’d be PAID (more paid than the attention those people seek).
In the ebbs and flows of my life, I can assure you that I was not concerned about my past woes during the “flow”. In other words, it’s easy to remain in the present when I’m happy with what’s happening; the tendency to dwell on the past is higher if I’m feeling miserable.
You know when you’re fresh off of a breakup, and the other person tries to make it seem like they’re having the best time ever without you, but they’re really hurting inside? It’s kinda like that: they’ll try to project that “void” onto you, making it seem like you’re the one missing out on them (when their emotions are screaming the opposite).
If we are REALLY alright, then there’d be no noise about it, we’d just BE; we wouldn’t be so hellbent on proving how worthy we are to people who chose to leave us behind.
Our strength isn’t determined by how much we endure.
Though the Bible tells us that God gave us strength to endure, I do not believe that is the sole OR primary way to show how strong we are. If we “stuck around” or “held it down” through a painful situation, that doesn’t necessarily make us be or seem stronger.
I’ve found more strength in removing myself from pain than continuing to live with it.
Should we be proud of making it out on the other side of painful circumstances? Definitely. But there IS an unspeakable strength when you finally decide, no more.
Unconditional love is only possible from ourselves (and God)
Last, but certainly not least, we HAVE to stop believing that other people’s love is unconditional; there are so many things to disagree on in any relationship that will cause a shift, for better or worse.
We set ourselves up for disappointment when we seek unconditional love from others. If we look too much to one person for complete acceptance, then it becomes unbearable when they cannot provide what we want. Let’s take it a step further: a lot of us have trouble loving ourselves unconditionally, so HOW TF do we have the nerve to require it from others so vehemently?
Only an immature view of love will make us believe that people should satisfy every request and soothe our every sorrow.
A mature love looks like balance. A mature love means honoring boundaries. A mature love will meet the needs of others, as long as they aren’t at the expense of our own.
I won’t push God or religion on anyone too much, but if you know anything about Christianity, then you know that His love is everlasting. Other people cannot replace the work we must do to and through ourselves. We need to be most forgiving, patient, and compassionate with ourselves before we are equipped to receive another person’s love.
So, there you have it! If you want to live a fulfilling, misery-free life, I urge you all to keep it real with yourselves, do the internal work, and come to terms with these 5 necessary truths.