Don’t Ask Me When I’m Getting Married, Thanks.

You ever notice how the older we get, the more intrusive small talk can become? 

I’ll literally chat with someone for all of 2 minutes, and they’ve already asked me about my job, biological clock, and my marital status. *Rolls eyes* I guess no one just talks about the weather or weekend plans anymore…

I used to feel so ashamed or anxious about not having the answers people wanted to hear. Apparently, I’ll regret it if I don’t have a wedding ring or baby within the next 7 to 10 business days. 

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Thankfully, I know better now. 

By the time we reach our late 20s, we’ll likely have friends leading vastly different lifestyles. One one hand, you may have the ones popping out babies, loving on their partners, and signing permission slips for school field trips. On the other hand, you might have your party hopping, jet setting, ‘I can barely keep goldfish alive’ friends who don’t see settling down in the cards for them anytime soon. 

Please know that neither “hand” is better than the other. Everyone’s path is different, so there’s no official deadline for when we should be married, have kids, or tackle any other huge life event. To be blunt: don’t ask me when I’m getting married; I don’t f%$#*%g know.  

Idk who needs to hear this, but DO NOT LET ANYONE PRESSURE YOU INTO MARRIAGE—idc if it’s your parents, grandparents, siblings, best friends, or nosy ass colleagues. Maybe you have tunnel vision for your career right now. Maybe you and your partner are fine with taking things slowly. Maybe you don’t have a partner, and would rather not discuss marriage. Maybe you don’t wanna get married at all…

Whatever the reason, stand in that; you have every right to be satisfied with where you are currently in your journey. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your personal life choices. The people who truly love and respect you will try to understand where you’re coming from, should you choose to explain. 

The way I see it, we have a few ways to answer the nuptials question: be honest and assertive, deflect with humor and move on, or say we’d rather not answer. Whichever method you choose, just remember to refrain from getting combative or offensive (i.e., do not talk down on married folks, or act like marriage is beneath you). 

This isn’t a critique of the institution of marriage, just a reminder that it’s not a goal for everyone. I believe that marriage can be a beautiful thing, when people are in it for the right reasons. Do I intend on being someone’s wife at some point? Sure. But it’s not the end of the world if that never happens. It will happen ONLY when I (and my partner) feel ready to jump the broom, not when everyone else is ready for it. 

Written by: B. Sierra

2 comments

  1. Long time supporter, and thought I’d drop a comment.

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