From tv shows to social media posts and the entire discography of Drake, Future, and a slew of others–we can’t escape it. The fuckboy agenda is alive and well in these streets.
We’ve all either been or been with a fuckboy (or fuccboi). You know exactly who I’m talking about: the asshole, the person who toys with your feelings, leads you on, and manipulates you into thinking you’re the problem. (And notice that I wasn’t gender-specific. I use “fuckboy” gender neutrally because there are equal opportunity offenders out here. Not to mention, “fuckgirl” sounds kinda stupid.)
Make no mistake, they aren’t to be confused with someone who’s just not into you; unrequited feelings does not a fuckboy make (read that again and go heal. PLEASE.)
I’m referring to the people who make things seem more than what they are to get whatever they want. They’re a special type of scum.
Unluckily for me, I’ve spun this block enough times to know my way around. Though every person is different, the fuckboy handbook is universal.
Before you decide that they’re “the one,” make sure you’re NOT seeing any of these signs of a certified fuckboy:
They Have the Gift (or Curse) of Gab
If it’s one thing a fuckboy knows how to do, it’s talk. A great game, at that.
They’re charming AF and flattery is their strong suit; let them tell it, you are the most beautiful and amazing person and they’ve been waiting their entire lives for you to show up.
I call bullshit.
It’s not that you aren’t beautiful or amazing, but be wary of when they say it too much. Like Proverbs 31:30 in the Bible says: charm is deceitful. Fuckboys will compliment and deceive you to death so that your guard is down with them.
They will also over-explain themselves when you confront them about their bullshit. And lie. Unprovoked. Lie about stuff they like or dislike, wanting to see you, what they did last night, who they did it with, what they had for dinner, whether or not an event got cancelled (all real-life examples, btw).
The goal is to impress you. Entangle you. Seduce you. Fuckboys will say whatever, whenever, and however in order to get you right where they want you.
But the thing about talk is it’s cheap–cheap in the way that’s more expensive in the long run.
They Don’t Express Their Feelings Well
Though fuckboys are great with saying sweet nothings that apply to anyone, they suck in an area that really counts: expressing their emotions.
It’s like pulling teeth to get them to admit how they really feel. I’ll give you an example:
I dated a guy before who insisted on playing it cool. He never communicated that he didn’t feel comfortable with me dating other people, but he’d make little snide, sarcastic, passive aggressive comments about it instead. After a few months of me not taking his bait and continuing to see other people, he lashed out at me.
“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MINE,” he angrily yelled at me. I could hear the desperation for control in his voice. I was “his”? That’s news to me. He certainly didn’t feel like mine.
Did he want to be with me exclusively? I don’t know nor does it really matter. The fact that he couldn’t be genuine with me told me more than enough. He didn’t move in a way that a confident and mature man would, so, why would I want him as a partner?
If someone doesn’t respect you, your time, or your emotions enough to be open about how they feel, then you might want to reconsider the relationship.
They’re a Professional Dream Seller
This is an extension of the first sign. These great talkers are also great listeners (but many times, they use this power for evil.)
Simply put, fuckboys will use your hopes, dreams, and goals against you. Lots of “we, us, our” talk may happen pretty early on.
If they know that you’re looking for a serious relationship, then you might hear them say something like “I could see us building a future together” (bonus point: they’ll talk about moving if you’re long distance dating). If they know that you’re dating to marry, then they sprinkle in some “husband/wife” comments when they flirt with you. If you’re only here for some great sex, then suddenly you got an around-the-clock pornstar in your inbox.
No plan or promise is too big for them to bullshit; they “can’t wait” to be with you, give you rounds, travel together, introduce you to their family, blah blah blah.
Fuckboys are selling you a brand–a brand that is unlike anyone you’ve ever had. Spoiler alert: they never come as advertised.
And the sad part is that the more you like them, the more you’ll overlook their empty promises.
Sometimes we want someone so badly that we give their potential too much credit. There’s a boyzclubofficial Tiktok that puts it perfectly: [We’re] torn between holding on to what [they] promised and accepting the reality of [them] not being able to deliver.
You have to cut them loose for your own sanity because they will fake TF out of wanting a future with you, disappear to the next, and not lose any sleep about it.
Their Affection Feels Like an Accomplishment & You Don’t Feel Secure
If you keep falling for fuckboys while you date, then I’m willing to bet that you love a challenge. You probably also take the phrase “nothing worth having will be easy” a little *too* far.
A fuckboy will make you feel like you need to win them; they treat affection like a part-time job. Of course they’ll start out applying pressure to reel you in but once they hook you, they’ll hold you there in limbo. They’re hot then cold; lots of yes and no, in and out, and up and down (word to Katy Perry).
It’s a rat race to hell dealing with fuckboys but, deep down, we love the chase. As crazy as it sounds, a part of us feels accomplished whenever we do receive it from them.
Truth is, dealing with this is more trouble than it’s worth. The thrill of that so-called accomplishment does not compare to the joy and peace of mind that consistency brings.
There’s No Urgency to Spend Time with You
I don’t think I need to spend much time on this one (no pun intended.)
Simply put, they’ll only see you when it’s convenient for them, and when you do see each other the activities are on their terms. You’ll often find yourself initiating the plans or making the effort to see them because they aren’t phased by your presence one way or the other.
Sounds like a one-sided relationship to me. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Adamantly Insists Says They’re Not a Fuckboy
I saved this one for last because it’s the biggest and most exhausting sign.
Did y’all watch that show FBoy Island on HBO, where men self-identified as either a “FBoy” or “Nice Guy”? Though it was my guilty pleasure for all of one week, there was one glaring flaw (or question) that persisted in my mind: why the fuck were they calling themselves “nice guys”?
They’re the assholes who refuse to recognize that they’re assholes. If someone refers to themselves as “nice” or “good” then that’s a huge and sleazy red flag.
Everything is about intentions with them, never actions. They don’t mean to hurt or mislead you, yet here they are–hurting and misleading you (and since they didn’t mean it you should overlook it.)
These types of fuckboys usually have a reputation that they’re trying to restore. There’s lots of words on the street about them and things they’ve done, so they believe that spreading “good guy” propaganda about themselves will silence it.
They put on quite the show; I’m talking a whole rebrand that rivals some album rollouts. You’ve prob seen it before: the carefully curated social media posts, unsolicited explanations, their love life went from backstage access to frontpage news.
All of it screams “LOOK AT ME, I’VE CHANGED!” in the cringiest, cheesiest way possible.
The way I see it: the more we over-exert something, the less genuine it seems.
I’m not saying that people don’t evolve or to believe everything you hear, but, again, be wary of how often you hear something, be it good or bad. Are they trying to convince you or themselves?
Don’t get too hard on yourself if you’ve fallen for these things before. It happens to the best of us.
If you saw any of these signs and instantly thought of a specific person, then drop ‘em. Right now. The energy you give them stops here. *snatches your phone and blocks them*
You are too fine to be worrying about these fuckboys!